With NHL training camps opening up this week, it’s time for HockeySpy.ca’s annual coast-to-coast tour of the NHL—taking one last offseason shot at every team before they take to the ice.
Anaheim Ducks: We can think of 18 million reasons why Ducks GM Pat Verbeek—better known as the Big Ball of Hate—now hates the Philadelphia Flyers.
Boston Bruins: Fraser Minten racks up 35 points and is rewarded with a $50-million contract. Junior players everywhere are praying the Bruins select them in next year’s NHL Entry Draft.
Carolina Hurricanes: Congrats on the Stanley Cup victory. Bet you can’t do it again.
Chicago Blackhawks: Patrick Kane is back in Chicago, where his three Stanley Cup rings—and the overtime goal that won the first one—should make him virtually boo-proof.
Colorado Avalanche: We still find it odd that the Avalanche’s former GM Chris MacFarland bolted to another team (Nashville) approximately eight seconds after Colorado was eliminated last spring.
Columbus Blue Jackets: Zero. That’s how many people believe disgruntled defenceman Zach Werenski when he insists he isn’t disgruntled.
Dallas Stars: After winning the Jim Gregory Manager of the Year Award three seasons in a row, Jim Nill missed out last year. Voters finally realized that winning something might be a good idea at some point.
Detroit Red Wings: Here’s hoping that Red Wings owner Christopher Ilitch—who also runs the Little Caesars pizza empire—can deliver a large pepperoni faster than he can deliver a new general manager.
Edmonton Oilers: Newly hired meanie Mike Babcock must be thrilled that the controversy surrounding the recent Alex Formenton signing has taken the spotlight off him. Sadly for Babcock, that spotlight will swing back his way soon. Real soon.
Los Angeles Kings: Peter Laviolette is the Kings’ new coach. His campaign to be hired and fired by every team in the NHL continues.
Minnesota Wild: Wild GM Bill Guerin united the Foligno brothers last year, only to face the possibility of the Hughes brothers uniting in New Jersey next year. Guerin may soon discover that he reunited the wrong brothers.
Montreal Canadiens: This may be the year their fans switch from patiently optimistic about the rebuild to totally freaked out if they don’t win it all.
Nashville Predators: The hockey gods will not allow them to ever win the Stanley Cup unless they get rid of their puke yellow jerseys.
New Jersey Devils: They say two heads are better than one, so it stands to reason that three Hughes are better than two.
New York Islanders: Bo Horvat will be the team’s new captain this year. Should they falter early, fans will stop chanting “Bo” and start chanting “Boo”.
New York Rangers: After watching his team finish first overall two years ago, GM Chris Drury is now working hard to secure a last-overall finish and complete the set. Rangers fans may not notice—they’re still drunk from the Knicks’ parade.
Ottawa Senators: We have a pretty good idea what Senators players think about former captain Brady Tkachuk since his departure, but it would be much more fun to find out what they really thought about his act before his departure.
Philadelphia Flyers: Who knew that little, smiling, baby-faced GM Danny Briere could be so ruthless? Then again, ruthlessness is practically the Flyers’ mantra.
Pittsburgh Penguins: Sidney Crosby shows no signs of slowing down as he prepares for his 93rd season with the club.
San Jose Sharks: Will the rebuilt blue line allow fans to finally celebrate with Celebrini?
Seattle Kraken: Fantastic arena. Fabulous fans. Exciting city. Lousy team.
St. Louis Blues: Someone should tell former GM Doug Armstrong that retirement means he’s allowed to go home and stay there. If he’s still around, new GM Alexander Steen is not the new GM.
Tampa Bay Lightning: Despite four consecutive first-round playoff failures, the media still drools over their coach and GM as if they just won their 10th Stanley Cup in a row.
Toronto Maple Leafs: The local media dudes are excitedly awaiting the team’s first two-game losing streak so they can pounce on the new coach and GM like a pack of wolves.
Utah Mammoth: Having named the team after an extinct giant elephant, the Mammoth had better start winning before GM Bill Armstrong becomes extinct too. Elephants never forget—and neither do hockey fans.
Vancouver Canucks: How is it that the Canucks put the boots to coach Adam Foote after only one year behind the bench? If I’m the new coach’s wife, I’m not unpacking the good china just yet.
Vegas Golden Knights: How long before they exploit the new Collective Bargaining Agreement that kicks in this fall?
Washington Capitals: Will Alex Ovechkin rack up another 30-goal season without moving his feet even once?
Winnipeg Jets: What’s the trade value of a goalie who wins regular season awards but loses playoff games?
