🏒 While The Real Kyper and Bourne Show on Sportsnet TV in Toronto can be fun and entertaining at times, former NHL punching bag Nick Kypreos is incredibly annoying to listen to. Did this guy get past Grade Eight in school? It takes him forever to complete even a single thought. He strings together two or three words, pauses awkwardly to search for the next batch, then lurches forward. Rinse and repeat.
So how is this guy possibly a weekly columnist with the Toronto Star? Once you read the articles, it becomes obvious there isn’t a snowball’s chance in hell that Kypreos is the actual writer. His limited vocabulary and the wording in those columns don’t align at all.
Which brings us to his constant, never-ending negativity about anything Maple Leafs–related. The show loves playing audio clips from coach Berube or his players, after which Kypreos proceeds to parse every sentence with his ridiculous takes on what should have been said. And we mean ridiculous.
Let’s also not forget that Kypreos’ mediocre career ended with him face-down in a pool of blood after losing yet another fight. Apparently, the best way to rehabilitate his imagined tough-guy image is to go all-negative on the team, all the time. Funny how he has all the answers now—after retiring.
🏒 Why is Chris Drury still in charge of the New York Rangers? He’s already tried to rejig the roster twice, failing badly both times. Apparently, writing an open letter to Rangers fans counts as punishment. He’s done that twice now.
This past summer, Drury decided coaching must be the problem—bye-bye Peter Laviolette, hello Mike Sullivan—and now the team’s record is worse than ever. Tipping off other GMs about an upcoming fire sale is hardly a sound strategy. When a GM must make a trade, the compensation offered will always be less than a might make a trade negotiation
Should Drury mess up yet again, you can be certain that the next letter he writes will be accompanied by his résumé.
🏒 Have the NHL’s outdoor games more or less “jumped the shark”? Ticket prices are outrageous, the entertainment value is minimal, and the uniforms are often laughable. Fans are left watching ant-sized players from afar, with no real idea where the puck is. Perhaps being over-served makes that an easier pill to swallow.
When the outdoor series first began, it was must-watch television. Based on recent outings, it’s slowly trending towards never-watch status.
🏒 From the always-wrong NHL Player Safety Department:
“Nashville’s Steven Stamkos has been fined $2,500 for unsportsmanlike conduct toward an opponent while on Nashville’s bench.”
No mention of what he actually did, which opens the door to fabricated rumours across social media. Which the NHL will fume about. That part is almost funny.
The truth is, Stamkos jabbed the Golden Knights’ Jeremy Lauzon in the face with his stick. Is that wrong? You’d think the NHL’s Department of Never Safe would love such a tactic.
🏒 The reigning Stanley Cup champions from Florida visited the White House this week to see the Orange Idiot. While the American players may have understandably enjoyed the tour, what—pray tell—were the Canadian and European players thinking?
Have they adopted the Wayne “I’m Sort of Canadian” Gretzky approach to decency? Or is this just the latest example of the sheep-like mentality hockey players have been accused of for decades?
🏒 Many Olympic-calibre NHLers recently snubbed when final rosters were announced are quietly waiting—hoping and praying—for an injury or two to get them back on a plane to Italy in early February. Of course, the Tonya Harding approach remains an option should all else fail.
🏒 How hard will it be for Canada’s Brad Marchand and the USA’s Matthew “I’m dumber than Brady” Tkachuk to avoid embarrassing themselves on the world stage? Should be fun to monitor.
🏒 The Five Stages of Hockey Fan Grief
Denial
Our team doesn’t stink; the league and the refs are against us.
Anger
I’m so fed up with this GM and coach. Fire their asses.
Bargaining
Okay, make a couple of trades and I’ll reconsider buying a ticket. That’s all we need.
Depression
I can’t watch the game today. I’d rather go shoelace shopping.
Acceptance
Who cares? We friggin’ stink.
