Hockey Players Are Seriously Funny

A common complaint often forwarded by the media suggests that when interviewed, hockey players are very stoic and reserved. No so, says hockeyspy.ca’s agents, who have gathered a shortlist of examples to counter that argument:

Phil Esposito:
“If you want to know what Canada is like, go to a Leafs game. If they win, it’s a national holiday. If they lose, it’s still a national holiday.”

Terry Crisp:
“We had 40 shots on goal. Unfortunately, 20 of them were mine.”

Glen Sather:
“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take… unless you’re our fourth line, then don’t shoot.”

Ilya Bryzgalov:
“The universe is so big… but we are not big. We are so small. Just don’t worry about it.”

Gordie Howe:
“All hockey players are bilingual. They speak English and profanity.”

Don Cherry:
“If you want to get hit, carry the puck through the middle. If you want to get killed, do it with your head down.”

Eddie Shore:
“I wasn’t the greatest skater, but I was the most determined… the other guy usually got out of the way.”

Patrick Roy:
“I can’t hear what Jeremy Roenick is saying. I’ve got my two Stanley Cup rings plugging my ears.”

Darryl Sutter:
“I told the boys, win or lose, we’re having beer. They just have to decide how many.”

Pavel Datsyuk:
“I don’t do funny. I do magic.”
(When asked why he dekes goalies out of their equipment.)

Ken Hitchcock:
“Our power play is like my diet. Good for two days… then right off a cliff.”

Ron Hextall:
“I wasn’t mad. I was just intensely disappointed… while swinging my stick.”

Brent Burns:
“My beard has more playoff experience than half the league.”

Lanny McDonald:
“Scoring goals is easy. Growing the moustache is hard.”

Wayne Gretzky (deadpan):
“I skate to where the puck is going to be… because going where it’s been didn’t work out very well.”

Brian Burke:
“I like truculence. If you don’t know what that means, just watch my teams for five minutes.”

Rod Brind’Amour:
“I told the ref I didn’t touch him. The ref said, ‘Then who did?’ I said, ‘Gravity.’”

Brett Hull:
“My goal is to deny yours.”

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