HockeySpy.ca has issued a bulletin to all of our agents seeking immediate answers to these critical pre-playoff questions that must be answered before the playdowns begin:
❓Why do backup goalies wear baseball caps when sitting on the bench?
❓Do NHL referees skate clockwise or counterclockwise when warming up briefly prior to puck drop?
❓How much does the guy who activates a team’s goal horn get paid? Is it a flat rate, by the hour, or per horn blast?
❓How many pucks are stored in the puck bucket situated in the penalty box?
❓What percentage of players hold their stick blades up when sitting on the bench?
❓Which NHL centreman has been tossed out of the faceoff circle most often?
❓Which NHL Zamboni driver holds the record for most resurfacing laps?
❓Which NHL arena holds the record for most hot dogs sold in a single game?
❓Why are the bluelines blue if all other ice surface markings are red?
❓Who do the referees announce penalties if the arena announcer does the same thing five seconds later?
❓Why are two assists commonly awarded after a goal is scored but never three?
❓What does the NHL have against the colour purple? There are 32 teams in the NHL and not one wears purple as their primary colour.
❓Why haven’t any former NHL goal judges been inducted into the Hall of Fame based on their lightning-fast button pushing finger. (Only boomers or older will remember goal judges seated in little cages behind each net, ready to activate the red goal light when a puck entered the net)
❓How many times has the Columbus Blue Jackets goal cannon scared the living hell out of a young child or sent a senior to hospital due to a suspected heart attack?
❓Which NHL netminder would win a goalie-only Hardest Shot contest?
❓Which NHL player has scored the most pre-game warmup goals this season?
❓Why hasn’t the NHL initiated an annual Flamingo Award—presented to the most skilled, bruise-free player who fails to block a single shot all season long?
❓When the NHL finally adds a woman to their officiating crew will she be known as a linesman, lineswoman or linesperson?
❓Which NHL coach has the most foul-mouthed vocabulary?
❓Which highly paid NHL player, well known for having deep pockets and short arms, is the biggest cheapskate/tightwad in the league.
❓Which in-arena vocalist sings anthems off-key most often?
❓If a team scores on a lucky bounce, why does the other team call it a bad bounce? Since when is good luck bad?
❓Why are you still reading this stupid list? Then again, it could be worse. You could be listening to a CD of “Ron McLean’s Worst Hockey Night in Canada Puns.”
